After a nearly two year stint doing other things, S. returned in December to the church that in a sense, raised us.  We started there after only a year of marriage and spent eight years learning and building a ministry.

Now being back, ministry looks somewhat different.  We, certainly, have grown and changed.  We knew there would be surprises and didn’t know what to expect after time away.

Without question, the biggest surprise and kindest gift God gave was adding former students back into our lives.  When I showed up to train new leaders in January I was humbled to see about eight former students who have returned to lead small groups or serve in various capacities. Read the rest of this entry

As I tucked Little Girly in I sang the song based on Psalm 121, “I lift my eyes up unto the mountains…where does my help come from?”  As I sang I listened to the words, realizing maybe the song was on my heart for my sake more than Little Girly’s.

The most breathtaking part of our new house is the view overlooking Mt. Baker as well as fantastic southern exposure.  A week and a half ago I was in a hurry as I set breakfast out.  I had already fit in a workout, showered, and had an “efficient” quiet time.  Suddenly as eggs were being dished I realized the sun was up, the mountains were breathtaking, and somewhere along the “get it done” of the morning I missed my favorite part where the mountains turn pink in anticipation of the sun’s return and I hold my breath for the “wait for it!” moment of it’s appearance.

If only I had more space in my brain to realize what I missed!  Story of my life in this season.  There has been much good, many rich elements, and very little space in my brain to think new thoughts let alone process the old ones.

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“For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”
2 Corinthians 4:6-7

I used to have this idea that becoming holy must look like an improved, put together Shilo.  If God has the answers, is loving, deep, extravagant, and perfect, then becoming like Him must mean I start exhibiting those traits in a noble way, right?

Ultimately yes.  Initially?
I understood a small amount as I studied these verses.  Paul is describing us as pots.  The Corinthian pots were fragile as they cracked easily, but fired clay also endured without decay.  The vessels were used to house valuables.  The Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered in one; an incredible treasure masked by a plain pot.

I thought I understood the idea that it is Him who fills me.  Becoming holy is not self improvement, but filling me with Himself.

Therefore, it makes sense that in order to house the Holy Spirit… an emptying must begin – this is the aspect I overlooked.  It was a noble prayer, begging God to make me holy and obedient.  I was sure it would make my life less messy.

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Last year at this time if you asked me how I was feeling about prayer in general, and I was to be completely honest with you, I would have had to say I was a bit jaded.

Not that I doubted the power of prayer, God’s ability to thoroughly answer prayer, or if I should pray.  In fact, He was answering a decade worth of prayers in powerful ways… it was just in a much more brutal, exhausting way then I had pictured when I was laying out my requests before Him.  I could feel His hand but it didn’t feel gentle.

I got to a point where I felt like praying coincided with me cowering.  My confidence in the Holy Spirit’s leading was shaky and I finally began asking God to help me want to pray again.

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I’m not a New Year’s person.  I think it’s because it always annoyed me that I’m supposed to somehow have a sense of fresh start just because the calendar changes.  For the same reason, New Year’s resolutions always bothered me.  I think January 1 is a lousy time to be resolute.  For me, a natural time to set new goals and embark on a new challenge would be in the Spring when the days are getting longer and energy returns to those of us Vitamin D deprived.  Another appropriate time for a clean slate is September when we kick into school gear and get scheduled.

In fact, for a few years I stopped working out for much of January.  The gym is always over crowded.  By February it tends to drop off again, feeding my eye rolling.

I did however, realize that my New Years cynicism was overboard when last year S. told me the reason he never makes New Year’s resolutions is the fear of me mocking him.  Oops.  I then made my first New Year’s resolution to not make fun of New Year’s resolutions.  (That being said, don’t feel like you have to hide your resolutions from me.  I’m cheering you on in your weight losing/ discipline gaining/ less facebooking/ waking up earlier selves.  Really.)

The slightly comical irony is that the New Year really feels like a new year for 2012 and it’s all starting today- January 1.  I shouldn’t be surprised.  Often the Lord seems to give my life these little twists so that I eat my cynicism.

Last year a verse kept coming back to me in my Isaiah study:
“Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it?  I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”  Isaiah 43:19
I know that God is talking about releasing Israel from captivity and rebuilding them as a nation, but I kept feeling like God was giving me this verse, too.

Today I see God making roads in our wilderness and giving us rivers in what was desert.  January 1 marks the first day of S. as Associate Pastor in addition to his work with BIG OAK.  He’s bringing in the New Year by preaching three services about how God’s promises give us hope and how we actively pursue hope by knowing and obeying the Word.  Monday and Tuesday nights he will be training leaders in preparation for youth ministry starting later this month.  We’re jumping in the deep end of the pool and it’s exciting and refreshing.

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Soon after my family moved to Lynden my senior year of high school, we discovered what we joked to be our “Flinstone house” because of it’s pinkish hue, stucco type exterior not common to the Northwest, and the flat roof.  We only lived there a couple years but we all loved the big windows with Southern exposure, the sloping yard that gave way to a big field in the back, the cool old built ins, and the daylight basement that housed a pool table and place to watch movies by a wood burning fireplace.

A few years after my family moved out, some good friends of ours moved into it.  When they were getting ready to sell S. and I wished that they were in a position to rent it because it would suit our family well.

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